First Life Lesson of 2009

It became apparent to me on over the course of the past week that I need to trust my gut more. Since day one of teaching I've been insecure 90% of the time about not being good enough. I have felt out of my league with my small town East Texas roots. I am constantly self-evaluating because I always think I'm doing something wrong. Other parts of this insecurity stem from the fact that I feel my students are a reflection of my teaching and I equate their successes or failures with my teaching abilities. This means that if some ding-a-ling 11 year old still can't recognize an A on the staff that it is somehow my fault and if someone finds out one of my students can't read an A on the staff that they will think that I'm a ding-a-ling, too. Well, I think I finally realize that this isn't the case. I haven't been trusting my gut and have been swayed by perspectives that are not necessarily fully objective. I really need to start following what is inside of me. While I realize I am not any where close to being a veteran teacher that has all the knowledge of years of experience, I also realize that I'm not clueless. I know more than I've been giving myself credit for. It's time for me to stop second guessing myself and go with what I know is right for me. Am I going to make more mistakes? Yes. Am I going stop being so hard on myself? Hopefully. With age comes wisdom. I get it now.