A Birthday Reflection

I know that this looks like a novel, but stay with me. This was cathartic for me....

I remember several years ago when I couldn't believe I was turning 23 or 24 because I surely didn't feel that old, but the last few birthdays I have definitely felt my respective age. I remember last year thinking that I really did feel 27 and I was very optimistic that it was going to be a much better year than 26. Well, it wasn't - for different reasons, though. Really the last two years have been the most trying and difficult that I've experienced yet in my short life. I haven't felt like myself for quite sometime and I've often wondered if I would ever get back to when I was the happiest. I remember when that was - it was 2001-2002, and I think that would've made me 22. I had just graduated and was starting grad school. That first year of grad school was awesome. I didn't have quite the real world responsibilities that I had after that second degree, but I had enough that I felt a sense of accomplishment. I had so many great things happen that year and I had so much fun. I remember now feeling the best I'd ever felt, even though I should have taken a few more chances. Did I know it then or is this all hindsight? It seemed like after that 23rd birthday things never seemed to be quite the same. Everyone remembers that birthday - the infamous one in San Antonio. The second year of grad school was really hard for me. I was overextended, I was ready to move on, I was having to work through things I never expected I would have to. It was my first dose of reality, I guess. The first two years after grad school were hard - teaching lessons full time was great, but it was barely paying the bills. I got my job offer at Hillwood a few days before my 26th birthday and so I thought for sure things were heading back up hill. Wrong again. That first year teaching was a huge struggle. I remember feeling so optimistic on this day last year, thinking that opening a new school would have it's struggles but it would be better because I was over that first year. Wrong again. Dean and I had no idea what we were about to have to deal with. So, here I am, on my 28th birthday trying to figure out what made 22 so great. How do I get back there? Not to 22, but to how I felt then. Everyone always tells you that your 20's are about finding yourself and struggling to get a place in the real world, and now that I'm on the tail end of it, I would have to agree. Even after the strange path that has gotten me here, I am optimistic once again that 28 is going to be a great year. I feel so much better about teaching now, and just not being in a transition year is already going to make things better. Recently I had a conversation with a good friend who told me that life is about choices. So, I choose to make 28 a great year and I am ready to make some changes and set some goals for myself to get back me.

Here are some of the things I plan to do before I turn 29:
-Take a vacation that doesn't include a band convention.
-Go on three dates. Admittedly, boys scare me. They are one of the few things I fear. And if I go on three dates with the same guy, that counts!
-Take more pictures. There are years of my life that I have no photo documentation of. I must take more pictures of everything.
-Read more. (That will be easy this summer.....)
-Ask for help. I don't do that much.
-Surround myself with positivity.
-Trust my gut and take a few chances.

My fortune cookie today said this: Life if full of little decisions - like white or brown rice. Right on fortune cookie.